


Nowhere Left to Go

by DemyxTheMenace



Series: The Cordial Courier [3]
Category: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Aaron is an emotional baby, Aaron is here and he's queer, ED-E is Aaron's BFF, ED-E saves the day, M/M, but he's not having a Good Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 05:19:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10181534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemyxTheMenace/pseuds/DemyxTheMenace
Summary: "He declares his undying love to Arcade and then what? Either one of them could die in the arms of the hellishly hot and heartless Mojave at any given time. Aaron has any number of enemies a sniper's range away from him all hours of the day, and Arcade has the ever-present fear of detection of his past allegiances to worry about."Or the one where Aaron can't deal with his feelings and ED-E saves his ass. Again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I will give you a bit of a disclaimer. I found this hiding in my "finished" folder after I wrote it back in 2014. I re-edited it when I found it but I apologize for any mistakes past me (or present me) made.  
> ALSO!  
> This is sad. Like hella sad. It's about my Courier trying to deal with his love for Arcade in the shadow of the impending Battle of Hoover Dam pt. 2. He's panicky, he's overthinking, he's ridiculously against just talking it out.  
> There are also depictions of Aaron having a panic attack! So if that bothers you, please go read my other two fics in this series and have a wonderful day!

          Aaron will be the last to admit to anyone how hard he cried on his trek back from Jacobstown. He knows it's silly, he does, but how was his first reaction an over-reaction when one of his best friends and constant companion for so long (not to mention whatever they were intimately speaking) announced he wasn't going to travel with Aaron anymore?

          Well, alright, that's not what happened, but he could die if the whole "Battle of Hover Dam: The Sequel" goes pear-shaped and he'd never be able to tell Arcade how much he lov- how much he really appreciated the doctor's companionship. Sure, he could've told him their last night in Jacobstown, when they'd kicked ED-E out to "patrol" their room and claimed the bed, and each other, for themselves. But that was all actions and no words; all hands and mouths and slow thrusts and soft wordless moans. It felt blasphemous to ruin what very well could be their last goodbye with conversation, to make an uncomplicated act more sophisticated than trying to determine which key could unlock a computer or forever close off its ability to share its information. That's kind of how Aaron see's that scenario going. He declares his undying love to Arcade and then what? Either one of them could die in the arms of the hellishly hot and heartless Mojave at any given time. Aaron has any number of enemies a sniper's range away from him all hours of the day, and Arcade has the ever-present fear of detection of his past allegiances to worry about. That's most of the reason Aaron had told Arcade to stay with the Followers and out of the line of fire. The other part is purely selfish; he didn't want to have to deal with Arcade's safety. Aaron knows without a doubt that every second of the battle would be spent with half his mind revolving on protecting the doctor, every bullet he would hear a knife above his heart ready to take the plunge.

          But say the confession is met with cold hard logic, that what was going on was purely for the craving they both had for a warm body in the lonely Wasteland. Aaron knows this to be the most likely explanation and feels his chest start to ache at the thought. That's what he'd set out for it to be. He knew Arcade felt the same in the beginning when they'd first set out together, sharing a bed on cold nights adventuring and not mentioning it the next morning. He has no idea how it escalated to their taking it away from the bed and the anonymity of darkness, to playfully flirting and bantering outside the sanctity of closed doors and deserted shacks. They aren't subtle (at least when around the Lucky 38) and certainly the rest of their gang take it in stride. Other's in the Wasteland who find the blatant homosexuality either indecent or any type of revolting can suck a dick for all Aaron's concerned, but he knows Arcade can't risk that kind of exposure that would lead to someone stumbling upon his past. Though Aaron is not unselfish, he would still like the doctor safe and in one piece. Most preferably in his bed, but Aaron won't be picky on this occasion. Mostly because he dreads what happens after the battle, what happens if - no, _when_ \- he comes back with whatever NCR metal they pin on him and back to helping bring peace and order to the Mojave. What then?

          Aaron figures he's put so much thought into 'what if's' he should know by now that he worries himself into a panic, that right about now he'd be crawling into Arcade's arms to calm himself down. And it's with that thought right then and there that Aaron starts to hyperventilate, collapses in the sand with ED-E hovering above him, letting out a stream of high beeps Aaron only distantly hears above the rush of blood in his ears. He startles a sob out of his hard-working lungs and feels the tears rush into his eyes. He can't, he just can't, and he doesn't know how this happened, how Arcade matters _so much_ that Aaron can't function without him and it sucks that it had to happen when Arcade left, when he'd told him to make himself useful somewhere else, where his skills as a doctor were needed. Aaron again wishes he knew what was going to happen, what Arcade would have said, what he will say, and the unknown is so terrifying in that moment Aaron passes out on the warm shifting sand with a view of the New Vegas lights swimming in his vision and ED-E's increasingly more distressed noises fading fast.

*&*

          Aaron crashes back into consciousness with the feeling of being watched. He sits up quickly, mechanically reaching for That Gun he keeps on his belt at all times. He comes up empty handed, eyes dropping from the fire he'd been confused with and finds a blanket draped across his legs and most of his gear spread out around his head. Aaron can't place why he would do that, why he would remove his pack but not his armor when a shuffle of leather across from him draws his attention. He tenses for the split second it takes him to recognize the red lenses of the Ranger mask and then he sags in relief that he doesn't have to get inventive to reach his gun he can see peeking out from behind the sack of Gannon family power armor ED-E had been charged with carrying. And there it is, that hollow pang in his chest he'd briefly forgotten. The momentary reprieve of memory floods him with sadness at its passing. It wasn't the first time in the past three days he'd taken to get down from the mountain pass that hides Jacobstown, but it was the first time with a live audience, one he could see was clearly giving him his moment and to that he was grateful.

          When Aaron had somewhat gotten himself under order (though not without the unhappy expression he's afraid is permanent at this point) the Ranger speaks in a quiet rough voice Aaron is surprised to hear from the man.

          "Smart robot you got there." He points a leather-clad hand from his seated position across the fire to ED-E who has been quiet the entire time, doing his equivalent of pacing, which involves the eyebot hovering the length of the small campsite and back before doing it again. ED-E keeps on; unaware Aaron is awake and nearly dropping to the ground when he speaks.

          "He's very perceptive." Aaron answers and winces at the hoarse tone he's developed since crying himself to sleep the past few days. ED-E flies over instantly and start chittering quickly and dipping down to tap a small radio sticking out of his pack. Aaron startles when he recognizes the NCR radio he'd been given so long ago and stares at his friend open-mouthed.

          The ranger chuckles, the noise contorted when it reaches the masks speakers and sounding more sinister than Aaron is sure the man meant it. "Told you. Smart ‘bot that one."

          ED-E is too concerned with Aaron to do that pleased shudder he does when Veronica compliments his aim or Aaron pets his antennae while they do recon together. Aaron gets the whole cognitive processes ED-E is known to display but this...this is beyond belief. ED-E somehow found his NCR radio and called for help. He can't wrap his head around the fact that he did it and voices as much.

          "It sent a message in Morse code that you'd been hurt. I was already out meeting with the Super Mutant ambassador so McCarran gave orders to keep a look out for you on my way back. Found you lying on the ground, your robot fighting off a few Mole Rats. I was actually surprised we hadn't bumped into each other around Jacobstown. I guess I was a few days behind you." Aaron peeks a look at ED-E, who is much more happily pacing, stopping every few rounds to tap the butt of his laser to the top of Aaron's head, nodding his head in understanding that he'd be dead without his silly, insane robot. The Ranger continues when Aaron's eyes find the red lenses again. "The rats seemed to think you were dead 'cause they didn't mess with you at all. It finished them off fairly quickly but was flying around your head making an awful racket. When I finally got to you it'd started smoking. Was afraid you'd both blow up so I told it who I was and that I was here to help. Hasn't stopped freaking out until now."

          All Aaron can do is nod. ED-E has saved his life on multiple occasions, no need to underestimate him now.

          "His name is ED-E. As you probably know I'm Aaron, also known by some as the Courier. I was heading back from Jacobstown when..." Aaron trails off, swallowing the lump in his throat and admitting what is certain to be his complete and utter lack of military respect. "My friend left my company recently and...I'll probably never see him again if the battle goes any other way than perfect."

          The Ranger takes a moment to appraise him, or so he thinks from the way his head twitches slightly like he's taking in Aaron's appearance. Aaron watches the Ranger watch him, and lets out a small gasp when the other man moves to take off his helmet/mask.

          The Ranger drops his headgear into the sand beside his thigh and runs a hand through his dark short cropped hair. Aaron thinks if he wasn't totally head over heels for a certain tall sarcastic doctor, he'd be ridiculously attracted to this man. His features are angular but soft, with the slightest amount of curves to his lips and the end of his nose and a dusting of stubble across his jaw and mouth. His eyes, Aaron will admit to expecting to be red, are a crisp grey that spark orange in the firelight. Aaron thinks the edges of the Ranger's lips rise in the ghost of a smile when he notices the obvious appreciation but he loses it the next time Aaron's looking.

          "Didn't peg you as one to fall for the male physique rather than the females." The Ranger says and it startles Aaron so bad he lets out a high giggle.

          "Yeah? Who said anything about doing guys?"

          He raises an eyebrow, grey eyes amused. Aaron has the grace to blush.

          "I know that look. It says you've lost more than a friend."

          Aaron reads the "I understand" in his eyes and thinks that if he wasn't NCR, is Arcade didn't hold Aaron's heart, if he'd called for help on any other occasion, he might've stood up, crossed the flaming barrier between them and initiated something of the intimate nature with this man. But he is NCR, Arcade is alive and unaware of the power he harbors over the Courier, and the reason he even needs help is because he can't put on his big-boy undies and get a hold of himself.

          "Too bad, though, might've asked you for a drink sometime." Aaron goes to tell him he wouldn't have thought the other man was queer either but he's stopped with a shake of a head. "I'm versatile."

          Then what's been said hits his brain and he gives a shaky smile. He might be mentally and emotionally unavailable, but that doesn't mean he can't share in a bit of platonic companionship while he's otherwise miserable.

          The Ranger nods like he's aware of what Aaron's thinking and dips his chin a little. "Name's Kaleb."

          "Hello Kaleb."

*&*

          Ranger Kaleb escorts him to the 38 the next day and leaves with a salute and a "if you're ever around Delta."

          Aaron and ED-E let themselves into the casino and up to their floor, the bag of armor between them. Aaron's only thought is that he cannot ever let Boone see it and know who gave it to him. As much as he trusts Boone, he knows some lines shouldn't ever be crossed and the admission of Arcade's past is one of those. Not to mention Aaron never wants to endanger the doctor's life intentionally and he knows how Scary-Bounty-Hunter Boone can be when he gets onto his justice horse.

          Veronica is the only one present when they exit the elevator and she's in the process of packing up.

          "Bye Ronnie. Sorry we didn't catch up before I go and leave you here. I told Cass I'd meet her in Goodsprings so we can go check out the Mojave Outpost together. She says she's got a bunch of NCR friends there that she wants to introduce me to. Sounds to me like she's trying to set me up, if I'm being honest."

          Aaron forces a smile, thinks, _too much teeth_ when the girl frowns and glances to ED-E like the robot is going to help her understand why her friend is acting weird.

          "Have fun then. Don't let Cass get into too many bar brawls if you can help it." Aaron is already heading towards the master bedroom when she opens her mouth to what he knows instinctually is to ask where Arcade is and he is so not up to answering that question without a heavy dose of tears. He slams the door behind him and shouts "Bye Veronica!"

          Veronica idles in the hallway a minute or so before sighing heavily and getting into the elevator, a departing ding as her last goodbye.

          Aaron feels bad, he does, just not as bad as never seeing Arcade again has him feeling. Which, yeah, is unrealistic, because there is a super extremely high percentage that NCR wins, but maybe not so much that there won't be heavy casualties, and that might include him. Or it might include people who need the Followers help indefinitely so they have to use all medical personnel they have.

          Now he knows he's traveling down the "horribly pessimistic" road his brain rarely takes that has glaring red "Danger: Do Not Enter" signs buzzing around his head. He knows that his heart rate picks up and his vision blurs dangerously around the edges. ED-E must pick up on his imminent panic attack because he taps the doorknob repeatedly until Aaron opens the door to let him in, closing it again to leave him some privacy should any of his companions arrive.

          ED-E drops the bag and hovers around Aaron's head, nudging his ears, his shoulders, anything he can. Aaron forces the wave of fear down long enough to tell ED-E in a hollow-sounding voice that he needs help putting the armor in the locked wardrobe next to the bed. ED-E complies after several more moments of fretting but sags a little and helps drag the sack and stuff it into the large dresser, the lock clicking behind it.

          All Aaron can think about is sleep, but the unwelcome thought of sleeping alone for once in a very long time (minus the nights Arcade was left at the Lucky 38 or when he was needed down at the Mormon Fort) has him hesitant. ED-E goes to drop onto the bed, but Aaron shakes his head and tells him he's a bed hog, the ‘bot pushing into him playfully before crossing the room to slip into sleep mode on the couch.

          Aaron doesn't get very much sleep that night, his body wrapped around several pillows stolen from the guest beds, the top pillow shoved under his nose, tears soaking into the fabric as he takes gulps of Arcade's scent. The smell is tangy with sweat from their last sexcapade, when Boone had taken the rest of them out to their homemade range to practice and they'd been given the whole floor to themselves for a day. Aaron remembers being vaguely surprised at his own stamina, Arcade not even blinking at the fact. He'd said something about seeing Aaron lift a full-grown Cazador corpse off him one time and being impressed and ridiculously turned on by the show of strength, and when he'd run four whole miles with Arcade and ED-E from a small pack of Brahmin they'd gotten too close to with little to no ammo and a broken power fist.

          The smell seeps into his restless dreams. Dreams of slightly crooked black-rimmed glasses, intelligent blue eyes, large long-fingered hands gripping the butt of a Plasma Defender. It's no surprise when Aaron wakes up sobbing into the pillow. He just wishes this feeling would leave. He wishes he could hurry up and get the stupid war over with, that he can clear the Remnants names and keep them anonymous and he and Arcade wouldn't have anything to worry about. That's, of course, if Arcade still wants something to do with him after things calm down. It's these thoughts and the terrifying prospect that he has to live with not knowing for the next immeasurable block of time so he can help the war effort that keep him awake again. But it's the thought of that toothy, sarcastic twist to talented lips that has him nodding off again, thinking it's okay not to know, as long as there's a chance he can see Arcade again after it all.

          He dreams again, this time about the elated sensation in his chest when he'd first kissed Arcade, really kissed him. About running his fingers through Arcade's short blonde hair. About having Arcade's fingers on his skin, his mouth on Aaron's.

          For the first time in five days since he'd felt like a bottomless pit the words "Set ubi nihil reliquit" in his mind.

          _There's nowhere left to go but up._


End file.
